Friday, 22 March 2013

Beans swimming in the school pool

Beans Moment (Energy)
WALT choose words that describe a moment for the reader

  • begin in the action
  • present tense (I am, not I was)
  • short, sharp sentences
  • uses the senses (smell, taste, look, hear, touch)
  • strong verbs
Swimming in the school pool!!!!!
I am waiting to dive now it is my turn I am very nervous. I put my hands together I dive like a dolphin. Splash. My Mum says “ were you nervous? yes I say”. I decided to do  freestyle. Off I went. I was going as fast as I can. I look to the side of me my friend had already finished. I hopped out of the pool. I get a stick you came forth said Mr Ford. My mum was proud of me.

The first person who won went home so I got into the final. So I dive into the pool. I  hear people kicking and people cheering for their houses  and my Mum cheering for me. I taste the yakey of the of water  I can see my friend again. I came sixth I walk to my Mum she put a towel around me.

We need  one more person. They picked me. I jumped into the pool. Splash. I  was holding the noodle “ put the noodle under your legs” shouted Mr Ford and “ imagine it was a horse”. I started  to run with the noodle. I hopped out of the pool and tagged the next person I sat at the end of the line  I jump back in again.


  1. I hope you like this post ;)

  2. Good writing, Emma! It brings the reader right into your moment at the swimming sports. I like how you're choosing words which give the reader a picture of what happened to you.

  3. Wow you must have been very very tied.

  4. You guys have a school pool?COOL!I'm sorta glad my school doesn't have one,because I'm a little hydrophobic.I'm a scaredy-cat,aren't I?

    1. Thanks Anna are you a scared cat


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